


Do I Know You?

by iamsnowwhite



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Met on the Ark, F/M, Memory Loss, Post-Canon, Time Travel, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-05
Updated: 2017-06-08
Packaged: 2018-07-12 09:45:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7097446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamsnowwhite/pseuds/iamsnowwhite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bellamy wasn't expecting someone to stop by their apartment. He wasn't expecting some girl named Clarke to barge in. He really wasn't expecting Clarke to know about Octavia. And he definitely wasn't expecting Clarke to tell him that one day they're going to be husband and wife.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Trust Me

**Author's Note:**

> I have to give all the thank yous to Mikaela who has been a huge help to me while writing this.

The knock on the door startles the both of them. Bellamy nearly stabs his thumb with a needle and Octavia drops a few spools of thread onto the floor. 

“Who is that?” she asks, eyes wide as she already moves to get into her hiding place. 

“I don't know,” Bellamy replies. He tries to keep his voice calm despite the panic he feels, he doesn't want to worry his sister anymore than she already is. 

It's a routine they have mastered over the years, and it sucks that they know it so well. It sucks that it's all Octavia knows. A lot of things just suck. 

Once Octavia is hidden, Bellamy takes a deep breath to calm his racing heart. His mother is usually here when someone stops by the apartment, she usually knows when someone is coming. It's not like he's never had to do this by himself, but it never gets any less terrifying. 

He opens the door and sees a girl standing there. She looks nervous, but also like she's trying hard to hide how scared she is. It's a convincing mask. There's something in her face that makes his heart skip a beat. And that's almost as terrifying as the knowledge that Octavia's life is in his hands. 

“Who the hell are you?” he asks. 

Her face falls. She looks down to her shoes and Bellamy wonders how her blonde hair shines as bright as the sun despite the horrible florescent lights. “My name's Clarke. I know that you probably don't know me, but I need you to trust me.”

There's a split second of doubt before Bellamy _ knows _ that he does. He trusts her. But trust is a luxury he doesn't have. 

“I'm sorry, but you need to leave,” he tells her, starting to close the door. 

She pushes against it with surprising strength and takes a step toward him. 

“Bellamy, _ please _ .”

A sudden anger strikes him as he looks at her, this girl that seems so sure of herself. It's obvious she's from a different station, the way she invades his space like she owns it. 

“Look, I don't know you and I don't know why you seem to know me, but I have more important things to do than talk to you, _Princess_.”

Clarke laughs and looks down at her shoes again. Her hand darts to wipe at her cheek and Bellamy let's out a sigh. No matter the situation, he hates to see someone cry. 

“I don't know why I thought this would be easy...” and says quietly, looking up at him with a determination that somehow seems familiar. “I know about Octavia. You'd have to trust me for me to know about her, right?” 

A new form of panic grips at his heart as grabs Clarke's wrist and pulls her into the apartment. 

“She's there isn't she?” Clarke asks, nodding to the very spot his sister is hiding beneath the floor. 

“How could you possibly know about that?” he demands, taking a step closer so he can tower over her. He's not that much taller than her, but it's his first instinct to be intimidating when he feels threatened. 

She scoffs and places a hand on his chest, “You don't scare me, Bellamy, and you haven't done so in a long time.”

“What are you talking about? A long time? I don't even know you.” 

Clarke sighs and moves towards the table, moving it and the rug aside before helping Octavia out of the hole. “It's nice to meet you, Octavia. I'm Clarke and I promise your secret is safe with me. But I need your help. Both of you.”

“How did you know I was there?” Octavia asks, wrapping her arms around herself. She's shaking and Bellamy takes an unconscious step closer to her. 

“I know because you told me. You weren't particularly nice about it, but that was a long time ago and everyone has forgotten about... those days.” She shrugs and takes a deep breath. “But that doesn't matter, I really need your help.” 

The look she gives Bellamy nearly breaks his heart. He doesn't know what to say here, doesn't know what to do. 

“I just need some time to explain. I know that- I know your mom's not here and you probably don't want her to know that I know, so come find me. Please. I'll be in engineering.” 

She turns to leave and Bellamy waits until the door is closed behind her to speak. “O, go into my bedroom and close the door. Stay there until mom or I get back.”

“You're gonna go talk to her? Bel, she probably crazy or something.”

“She might be crazy, but I have to figure out how she knew about you.”

Bellamy slips out of the apartment and goes after Clarke, jogging down the hallway to catch up to her. 

“Hey, wait,” he calls after her once her gets close enough. 

She turns to face him, smiling as he walks closer. 

“You wanted to talk. So let's talk.” 

“Not here,” she says, grabbing his hand and pulling him down the hallway. 

He felt... something when she took his hand. It was like a zap of electricity, a shock baton hitting his hand and spreading up his arm. For a second he smells burning wood from a fire and when he blinks he sees what looks like a snowstorm from a movie he and Octavia watched one night. He shakes his head to clear it and follows Clarke until they get to a place he hasn't been to in a very long time. 

“You remember this place?” she asks. He just nods, wondering what significance it has to her. “You used to come here when Octavia was little and she wouldn't stop crying or she was having a temper tantrum. You told me that.”

“I've never told anyone that.”

“But you told me, Bel. You told me you were ashamed. That you hated that you left your mom to deal with that, but you were so overwhelmed.”

Bellamy could feel tears threatening to spill down his cheeks, but he refuses to let that happen. “Why would I tell you that?” he asks. 

“Because Octavia had been gone for months and it started to snow and you were so scared. No one would let you leave camp and you said you felt as useless as you did when you used to come here.” 

“I don't understand...”

Clarke sits on the floor and looks at him until he sits beside her. Bellamy feels himself tense when she wraps both her arms around one of his and leans her head on his shoulder. This time, he smells rain and swears he can feel raindrops against his skin. It's funny because he's never experienced either of those things. 

“In about six months, a ship will be sent to the ground,” she explains. 

“How do you know that?”

“Because I was on it. And so were you, and Octavia, and the kids in the Skybox. I know because you and I fought to keep them all alive and for the most part, we did. And last night, I went to bed in our cabin and I woke up here. Four years in the past.”

“So we’re friends, four years in the future?”

She laughs and the sound makes him feel lighter than he ever has, “I guess you could say that.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well... we're sort of married.”

“Sort of?” he asks, choosing to focus on that rather than the fact that he's _ married _ . To Clarke apparently. He could do worse. 

“I mean, there's no paperwork or marriage license like there is here. But we got matching tattoos and- and we made a commitment to each other. And I don't know why I'm here or why you don't remember, but I need you to because it's been me and you for so long that it being just me is... I don't think I know how to do that.”

“Well how do we get me to remember?”

She shrugs, “I wish I knew.”

“So we live on the ground?” she nods. “What's it like?”

“Amazing. The fresh air and _swimming_. You taught me to swim and it's one of the most terrifying memories I have. I nearly drowned and you almost threw up because you were so panicked. But it was so fun when I finally figured it out. And then...”

“Then  _ what _ ?” he smiles, looking down at her face to see her cheeks turning red. 

“I mean... We did _ things _ .”

Bellamy laughs and Clarke hides her face in his neck. It’s comfortable, somehow. Comfortable in a way nothing ever has been before. Bellamy doesn’t do this, he doesn’t do  _ intimate _ . It’s one and done, that’s all he’s good for. There’s only so much time he can spend away from the apartment and that doesn’t leave much time for a girlfriend. Let alone a wife apparently. Maybe four years in the future, things are different. But right now, they’re not. 

That doesn’t change the fact that he never wants to leave where he is right now. It’s just a dark hallway with a window that looks out into the endless void of space, but right now it feels like home. 


	2. By Hanging Upside Down?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy learns about Wells and Clarke makes some jokes that Bellamy doesn't understand yet.

_ “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” Bellamy teases. “This is my face here, Princess. It’s the only thing I have left going for me.” _

_ “Don’t move,” Clarke warns, briefly meeting his gaze only to give him a stern look. “You don’t want me to slip and accidentally sew your lips shut.” _

_ “You know, if I didn’t know any better I’d say you’re enjoying this.” _

_ She scoffs, but Bellamy knows she’s not just irritated. The concentration on her face does nothing to hide the fear that only he knows is there. “Yeah, I most definitely enjoy seeing your face covered in blood. It’s every girl’s dream.” _

_ Bellamy catches her wrist and pulls her hand to his lips to place a kiss to her palm. “I’m fine, Clarke. Head wounds just bleed a lot, that’s what you always say, right?” _

_ “Yeah but it’s- it’s not usually you I’m saying it to. You can’t hit your head anymore, dumbass. I’m stressed enough without having you stumble up to me looking like a fucking zombie or something.” _

_ The deep breath she takes is shaky, so Bellamy grabs her hips and pulls her into his lap. “I love you,” he says, practically singing the words as he brushes his nose against her cheek. _

_ “No,” she tells him. The pout on her face makes him smile.  _

_ A long time ago they promised each other that those words always have to mean something. They won’t just be something they say in passing or as a casual goodbye as they part ways for whatever tasks they have for the day. When they say it, they’re not saying it lightly. _

_ “I love you,” he repeats.  _

_ She meets his gaze again and he smiles at her until she does the same. “I love you,” she tells him.  _

_ “Yeah you do,” Bellamy says, wiggling his eyebrows.  _

_ She giggles and Bellamy counts that as a win.  _

_ “Just shut up and let me finish your stitches.” _

_ “Am I going to have a cool scar?” he asks.  _

_ “There’s going to be a scar, but no one will see it because your hair nearly covers your eyes. You’re lucky this cut wasn’t a half an inch longer. You barely missed your eye.” _

_ “I do need my eye... It’s a small price for my forehead to pay I guess,” he sighs a dramatic sigh and she rolls her eyes. Another win for team Blake. _

Bellamy groans as he rubs his cheek, looking around the room to make sure Octavia is still asleep. This isn’t him caring about her health, this is about his pride. She would definitely tease him for falling out of bed. How does that even happen?

And how did that seem so real?

The snow and the smell of the rain is one thing... But he just felt the warmth of the sun on his skin and heard leaves rustling in the trees. That’s not even the weirdest thing. He felt Clarke’s skin against his lips when he kissed her hand, and he felt... 

He knows Clarke isn’t crazy. If he thought she was, he’d be calling himself crazy too because he believes her and it’s the only way to explain the things he’s feeling. It just doesn’t make sense. Time doesn’t go backwards. Memories don’t just vanish and they don’t come back in the form of dreams.

He needs to talk to Clarke. But it’s the middle of the night and he has no idea where she lives... 

This sucks.

\---

“You fell out of bed last night,” Octavia says after she wakes up. Bellamy is getting ready for work and he groans at the amused look on her face as he zips up his guard’s jacket. “You have a weird dream about your weird friend?”

“You’re a brat.”

“That wasn’t a no.”

“Just quiet down, mom’s not awake yet.”

The smug grin on his sister’s face tells him that she sees right through his act. 

“Have fun talking to Clarke,” she says, turning on her heel and disappearing into the bedroom. 

Bellamy pinches the bridge of his nose and takes a deep breath. In the matter of a day, his whole world turned upside down. He’s got someone- a  _ wife _ \- who knows exactly how the next four years of his life will pan out. He has someone else on this damned ship who knows about his sister and knows how to make him feel weightless when all his responsibility seems heavy enough to crush him. Octavia may be poking fun at the situation, but Bellamy has no idea what to do... 

Clarke said she would be in engineering, so he’s starting there. He doesn’t have to report to the guard’s station until later and he’s hoping he can talk to Clarke before then. Maybe she can help him figure out what the hell that dream was.

The halls are pretty empty this early in the morning, so he makes it to Alpha without anyone really noticing him. He always feels out of place here and it makes him feel awkward when people are able to see him with his guard down like that. 

He forgets about feeling awkward when he nearly trips on Clarke. She’s sitting in the hallways with her legs stretched out in front of her and she laughs when Bellamy places a hand on his chest and takes a few deep breaths. 

“Didn’t mean to scare you,” she says. She doesn’t sound very remorseful, so Bellamy shoots her a glare for good measure. 

“What are you doing out here?” he asks as he sits down beside her. 

She sighs, “I can’t- I can’t be around everyone like this. I know what’s going to happen and they’re just going about their lives like nothing is wrong.”

“Well to them nothing is wrong.”

“Bellamy, I can’t be around them because I know they’re going to die.”

“Fuck...” he says quietly. 

“My best friend is here, and I can’t see his face now because if I do all I’ll be able to see is his body... I could have saved him down there and there’s nothing I can do for him now. I can’t talk to him, and I can’t look him in the eye.”

“Clarke that’s-”

“He was stabbed. Not even ten yards from where I was sleeping. I know it was quick, but that doesn’t change the fact that I had to bury his body and order some kids to take the clothes he was wearing so we could reuse them.”

“He doesn’t know that, Clarke.”

“But  _ I  _ do! I know that he died and I know that  _ we  _ almost murdered someone for it! I know that  _ I _ watched a little girl die because she couldn’t stand what had happened! It was four years ago and not a day goes by that I don’t think about that. You don’t remember it, but that doesn’t make it any less real.”

“I’m sorry, Clarke,” Bellamy says. He wraps his arm around her shoulders and pulls her close. She doesn’t hesitate to wrap her arms around him and bury her face in his chest. He wonders how many times she’s done this in the four years he’s lost. How many times he’s had her in his arms like this. How many times they talked about what happened to her friend. “I’m sorry I don’t remember.”

“No, I’m sorry. I just saw him walking around and snapped. I just want to find somewhere to hide and avoid all the people whose futures I know. But I’m not leaving you. I’m never doing that again.”

He doesn’t comment on that. It seems that it would only add to her pain. All he wants to do is take it away and keep her safe. 

“Clarke, I have to tell you something,” he whispers. 

“What is it?”

“There’s this lingering feeling, like I know what we had but I’m missing a piece of the puzzle. I had a dream last night. You were stitching a cut on my forehead and I could see how scared you were. I knew I was supposed to comfort you, I knew that I love you.”

“No you don’t. You barely even know me right now.”

“I know that when I told you I loved you, it felt, I don’t know, current. Like it was happening in real time. I want to remember, Clarke. I want to love you like I did that day and on our wedding day and that day I taught you how to swim. I don’t want you feeling like you do right now because I may not remember the ground but I  _ know _ it’s my job to make you feel better.”

“Try doing that hanging upside down,” she says quietly. So quietly, in fact, he almost doesn’t hear her. The words are muffled as she speaks into his jacket, but he still hears the shift, the nostalgia replacing the despair. 

“Say that again?”

“It’s something you said to me a long time ago. That day I realized I needed you more than I thought. You made an incredibly fucked up thing bearable.”

“By hanging upside down?” he asks, confused. 

She laughs and it sounds like  _ home _ . “Yeah, by hanging upside down.”

“Do I want to know?”

“Probably not,” she says. But she’s smiling so he guesses it’s at least a little good. 

“How are we gonna fix this?”

“I don’t know...”

\---

When Bellamy has to leave to report to work, he leaves Clarke with a kiss to her forehead and the feeling of a bow and arrow in his hands. He holds onto her for longer than is probably necessary, trying to hold onto that feeling. He feels the breath he’s holding and the quiet of the forest around him. There’s rustling and a twig snapping and then Clarke steps away from him and he’s back on the Ark.

He wishes he didn’t have to go, but he doesn’t have a choice. Who knows how long it will take for them to fix this. He can’t risk his job, he can’t risk getting a deduction in points. He needs all the points he can get to be able to feed three people on a two people budget. He doesn’t want his mom helping. Both he and Octavia pretend they don’t know anything about it, but they can see the change in their mother. The light slowly leaving her eyes.

His shift passes as it always does; slowly. The cadets get the worst assignments and usually by the end of the day, Bellamy can barely remember what he had even done all day. Boredom doesn’t even begin to describe it. 

He’s planning on stopping by the apartment to check on Octavia before trying to find Clarke again. He’s already got an eye roll ready for when Octavia inevitably teases him about this. Maybe he can find a way to explain it to her, how weird and shitty this feeling is. It’s like his mind is half gone, part of him is somewhere else and he has no idea where to look for it. Being with Clarke seems like a good start though. 

Pushing open the door of the apartment, Bellamy is surprised to see Clarke sitting at the table with his sister. They don’t seem to notice him come in, too engrossed in whatever conversation they’re having. Octavia is smiling. She’s actually smiling as she listens to Clarke talking. It’s a smile Bellamy has never seen before. He feels like he’s intruding but when the girls finally notice him standing there he knows it’s too late to just turn around and leave. 

“Is mom here?” he asks, remembering how nervous Clarke seemed when she mentioned her the day before. It’s another thing he doesn’t want to ask. He  _ really  _ doesn’t want to know.

“She’s gone,” Octavia says. 

Bellamy sighs and tosses his jacket onto the bed in his room. 

“O, do you still think Clarke is crazy?”

“She thought I was crazy?” Clarke asks, her head whipping around to look at Octavia. “You thought I was crazy?”

Octavia just laughs, “I mean, any girl that wants anything to do with my brother has to be at least a little crazy.”

“I guess you have a point there,” Clarke replies with a shrug.

Bellamy pulls up a chair to sit beside Clarke and that’s when he finally notices the apple on top of the table. “Where did you get that?”

“I had the points, and I figured she’d like it. She does in the future,” Clarke tells him. 

“This is too weird,” Octavia says with a shake of her head.

“At least you got an apple out of all this,” Bellamy says. “All I get is random smells and feelings from the ground.”

“Wait what?” Clarke turns to look at him with her eyebrows drawn together and confusion written all over her face.

“I felt rain yesterday when you had your head on my shoulder, and I smelled burning wood when you grabbed my hand. And today, I was shooting a bow and arrow in the forest when I kissed your forehead.”

“So, when you touch me you remember the ground?”

He nods, “Yeah. And it kept getting stronger the more I did it.”

“Okay you guys need to leave before you finish this conversation. I don’t want to hear about you touching Clarke in this sad attempt at flirting and I can’t leave to get away from this,” Octavia says.

Bellamy feels his cheeks heat up and tries not to look at Clarke who is trying very hard to hide her laughter behind her hand. 

“Come on, Princess,” he says, grabbing the hand that was covering her mouth and dragging her into the hallway. “Maybe we should go back to your apartment so I can embarrass you in front of your family.”

Clarke only smiles and intertwines their fingers. “What are you feeling now?”

“I feel- there’s oil on my hands, and it’s dark.” Bellamy stops and closes his eyes, tightening his grip on Clarke’s hand. “You’re smiling at me. We’re happy. There’s a gun in my hands, but I don’t know why we’re so happy about a gun...”

“Bellamy let go of my hand. Let go now!”

He doesn’t want to let go of her hand. They seem so happy wherever they are in this memory. He hears Clarke teasing him, sees her smirking at him. He feels himself touch her shoulder and suddenly feels nervous and giddy at the same time. Future him is flustered from simply touching her shoulder? With guns and oil around? The ground is a strange place. 

Clarke- the one holding his hand- tries to pull away from him, but his grip is too strong. “Bellamy you need to let go!” she shouts. 

His eyes snap open when he feels her hand swatting at his arm. He finally lets go of her hand and notices the odd look on her face. She looks frantic, backing away when he takes a step towards her. 

“What is it, Clarke? Why did I have to let go? We were fine.”

“No, we weren’t. You can’t go back _ there _ . That’s not a good memory.”

“Why not?”

She shakes her head, “You don’t want to know, Bel. Even the you that remembers tries his hardest to  _ forget  _ that memory. At least the part that happens right after what you saw. All you need to know, all that I’ll tell you about that day, is that it was when we became a  _ team _ .”

Bellamy feels himself smile, “We weren’t a team before that?”

“You hated me,” Clarke says, playfully shoving at his chest before she continues walking. “I mean, I hated you too, but you were a dick to me first so I was justified in hating you.”

“What did I do?”

Clarke turns around to smirk at him for a moment and Bellamy loves the sight of her so happy. Especially after what happened earlier that morning.

“You did whatever the hell you wanted.”

“Why do you sound so pleased about that?”

“That was an amazing joke and you will definitely high five me for it when you remember everything.”

\---

They get to Clarke’s apartment about fifteen minutes later and Clarke leads him inside after she slips inside first to make sure her parents weren’t home.

“No boys allowed, Princess?” he teases.

“If I wanted to have sex with someone you better believe I wouldn’t do it here,” she tells him. “And it’s not just boys who wouldn’t be allowed.”

“Oh,” is all he says. 

“Don’t worry, in about seven months you’ll threaten one of my... girlfriends, I guess, to tell you where I am because you looooove me,” she says with a big grin on her face. She sits down on her bed and gestures for him to sit beside her. “Man, you not remembering anything is really sad right now. I am on a roll with these jokes and you don’t even get them.”

“As soon as I remember I’m sure I’ll be laughing.”

“You better. But for now we should probably try to figure out how exactly we get your memories back.”


	3. Focus On Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy does something stupid, learns about his wedding, and later gets some memories from Mount Weather.

“Maybe we just need to hug for a really long time and everything will come back to me,” Bellamy suggests.

“You’re not funny,” Clarke says, not looking up from the paper she’s drawing on. Bellamy can’t really see it, but it looks like she’s drawing some weird symbol containing the letter B.

“I’m just trying to help. Here, hold my hand again. I’m sure whatever bad memory that was isn’t what I’ll see this time.”

“I’m trying to protect you, I don’t want to risk it.”

Bellamy sighs and leans back against the wall behind him. They’re both stressed out, having exhausted all the solutions they could think of. Clarke refuses to touch him and let him go back to the ground. So even if that would help their situation, it’ll have to wait until later. Bellamy suggested they wait until the dropship gets sent down and somehow find a way onboard. But the more he thought about that option, the worse it sounded. 

Clarke told him she isn’t exactly sure when in the past she was sent to, but the drop is scheduled, at the very least, two months from now. After seeing Clarke so upset about Wells, he doesn’t think he can let her feel like that for two more months. He doesn’t want that for her for even one day more. He feels helpless. He feels as terrible as he did when Octavia got the flu a few years ago and he had to watch her in pain knowing there wasn’t anything he could do for her. When Octavia wasn’t feeling better after a week of being sick, he considered doing something stupid like stealing some medicine for her. Octavia yelled at him, told him not to even think about. 

But that doesn’t mean he can’t do something stupid right now.

He sits up abruptly and before Clarke can realize what he’s doing, he’s got a hand on her cheek, turning her face towards him and pressing his lips against hers. There’s a moment where she’s completely frozen, but it’s only a moment. Then, she comes alive like it’s second nature. He supposes that to her, it really is second nature. She’s been kissing him for nearly four years. 

It’s when he hears her sigh that he feels himself split in two. He knows that part of him is getting lost in that kiss on the Ark, but another part of him is squinting against the setting sun. Blues and pinks and purples and oranges streak across the sky. The flowers at his feet are just starting to glow like they do after the sun has set. The smile on his face will probably make his cheeks hurt later, but for the life of him he can’t wipe that smile off his face if he tried. He feels like singing, he’s so happy. And it’s weird because he is a terrible singer. 

Clarke’s got that smile on her face, the one where her nose scrunches up. It’s Bellamy’s favorite. He always feels like he’s done something right to deserve that smile. They probably won’t be smiling later when they’re repeatedly stabbing each other with needles. But Clarke said matching tattoos are better than rings, so they’re getting tattoos.

They let Clarke’s mother handle the vows, and pretty much every other detail of their wedding. It really doesn’t matter to them, but it does matter to Abby. So they’re doing the ceremony like people used to do before the Cataclysm (Bellamy is pumped for the kiss part), and Abby has enlisted the help of her own husband to perform the ceremony. The vows matter to them the least. They’ve already made the promises of forever and talked about the many reasons they love each other.

This kind of happiness is something Bellamy never thought he would have or deserve, but now that he’s got it, he never wants to let it go.

He’s brought back this time by the sound of someone clearing their throat. He chases Clarke’s lips as she pulls away because he doesn’t want that memory to end. He wants to stay there. But then he looks to the door of Clarke’s bedroom and sees her mother standing there with a  _ very _ different expression than she was wearing in that memory. 

“Uhh, mom, this is Bellamy Blake,” Clarke says. She looks like she was five seconds away from fucking Bellamy right there in her bed and Bellamy knows he doesn’t look any different. This is not anything like how he pictured meeting his wife’s mother for the first time. “He’s my- my friend.”

“I can see that,” Abby says. 

Clarke bites her lip and looks down at her lap. If this wasn’t the most awkward moment of his life, Bellamy would take a moment to appreciate how adorable Clarke looks. 

“I just stopped by to remind you about your shift in medical tomorrow.”

“Yep, I will be there at six.”

“Well, I don’t want to intrude,” Abby says as she turns and leaves the room. 

As soon as Bellamy hears the main door shut behind her, he snorts out a laugh and buries his face in Clarke’s neck.

“This is not funny!” she laughs in spite of her words. “I am 22 years old, that should not be as embarrassing as it was...”

“You’re 22?” Bellamy asks. 

“Not to her. Can we forget that happened, please? What did you see this time?”

“Our wedding.”

“You remember our wedding?” she asks, a bright smile lighting up her face. 

He nods and wraps his arms around her, pulling her into his chest. He tries to move away when he feels her tears against his neck, but Clarke only holds onto him tighter. 

“I want my Bellamy back. I know that’s probably horrible to say to you, but I want  _ you _ .”

\---

Bellamy takes an early lunch the next day in hopes that he can visit her in medical on Alpha. He hopes to every god he knows that her mother isn’t there. She looked kind of scary yesterday and even though Bellamy knows she’ll like him eventually, he doesn’t want to chance that just yet. 

He spots Clarke talking to a patient. Her back is to him, so she hasn’t noticed him quite yet. He doesn’t want to interrupt, so he stands by the door and waits until she notices him. He starts to panic when the smile on her face fades and she practically runs over to him. 

“Bellamy, you can’t be here,” she says, standing away from him. She doesn’t want him to touch her. Why is she so afraid of him remembering all of a sudden?

“It’s fine, Princess. People will just assume I’m the guard assigned here.”

“No, you need to leave. I’ll meet you at your apartment later.” She’s talking a mile a minute and Bellamy is getting worried. “You don’t want the memories you’ll get here, trust me. Bellamy, go back to work.”

“If the ultimate goal here is to get me to remember, why do you not want me to have any memories? You’re not making any sense, Clarke.”

“There are some memories that aren’t worth having,” Clarke tells him.

Bellamy’s not having this, not right now. He’s tired of her being in this alone. And whether she likes it or not, two can play at this game.

He takes a big step closer to her and places his hand on her cheek.

The contact makes his muscles lock up, contracting like they’re trying to make him smaller, trying to make him collapse in on himself. Concrete walls replace the metal of the Ark and a pounding headache makes his eyes drift shut. He gets the feeling of his legs being swept out from under him. The taste of blood fills his mouth and he’s choking on something he can’t see. 

His entire body feels heavy and pure terror washes over him along with abandonment and hopelessness. 

Screams echo in his head and somewhere inside of him knows exactly who’s crying out for his help. 

He gasps for a breath he doesn’t have, his skin feels like it’s burning off, and the word ‘acid’ sounds in his mind as a hiss. 

There’s something he needs to do, but he’s too tired to recall what exactly his task is. 

Octavia, he sees Octavia. Her eyes are wide, looking at someone he can’t see with fire and disbelief shooting from her glare like bullets.

_ I was being weak... _

It doesn’t register like a memory. His brain struggles to find the right word through the fog of his panic. 

Nightmare.

Torture.

Damnation.

Clarke is somewhere, screaming for someone named Jackson. She sounds so scared and Bellamy wants to go to her, but he doesn’t know where she is. Bellamy isn’t split in two, he’s shattered into a million tiny pieces and he’s lost all hope of finding them. 

\---

He hears sniffling, sobbing, and crying. His eyes feel heavy but not as bad as before. The bed underneath him is stiff, so he knows he’s at home. He tries to sit up, tries to open his eyes, tries to say something. The breath he takes his caught in his throat and his instinct makes him reach out for someone. 

“Octavia!” he hears Clarke say. It sounds broken, quiet. “He needs to breathe, he can’t breathe!”

“I don’t know what to do, Clarke, you have to do something,” Octavia says.

“I can’t he’s- he needs to breathe. Octavia, open up his airway, tip- tip his head back, keep talking to him.”

“Bellamy, don’t you dare pass out again! Say something, Bellamy!”

He takes in a gulp of air but it still gets caught in his throat and he starts coughing. His throat burns and tears sting his eyes. The name Raven pops into his head and he can hear Clarke yelling down on the ground. She’s telling Raven the same things she’s telling him and the words overlap. His eyes can’t focus between the cold metal walls and ones that seem to be made of stone. He sees Octavia, her ponytail twitching as it suddenly becomes braids. A piece of metal that’s twisted and bent lays in the dirt and he rushes to move it out of sight. Some part of him knows what it is, some part of him knows the necklace is broken. The bird it once was is crushed and he remembers the face of the boy who made it.

That’s where it all cuts off.

His bedroom becomes his focus and he’s left Raven there on the ground. She’s okay, just as he is now. 

“Come on, Bellamy, listen to me, just listen to my voice,” Clarke says quietly. She’s next to him, but she won’t move any closer. “Breath in through your nose, and out through your mouth. Yeah you’re okay. Octavia is going to sit with you.”

“Not you?” he grounds out, voice sounding strained even to his own ears.

She shakes her head, “You don’t want me here. I did this to you.”

“You and I both know that’s not true, Clarke. And you’re not leaving me, remember?”

“Goddammit, Bellamy,” she breathes.

“Clarke, what was that?” Octavia asks, her voice slightly panicked.

“If we fix this, you’ll remember,” Clarke explains. “Everything will make sense.”

“We’re gonna fix this, Princess.”

“Let’s hope.”

For a while they sit there. Clarke tells stories about their first steps on the ground and their first time seeing it snow. She tells them about horses and a car that Bellamy knows how to drive. Octavia gets lost in the stories, Bellamy knows that she always does. When she was younger he would make up stories about the ground, but they’re nothing compared to what Clarke is telling them. Bellamy can’t help but watch Clarke as she talks. She smiles so wide and her eyes are so bright. It’s the happiest she’s been all day and Bellamy just needs for his memories to come back. He needs to remember how he fell in love with her and what it was like to kiss her for the first time. 

He wants to be 27 and be a husband. He wants to remember where he and Clarke’s tattoos are and how much it hurt to get it there. 

It’s not a do over, what they’ve been given. Wells is still going to die, and they are still going to earth, and everything Clarke knows about the next four years will happen. The few memories Bellamy has, those will happen too. 

He has no clue what’s happened to them or why the universe has decided to pull this crap, but there is one thing he does know. He’ll do anything for Clarke and Octavia.

\---

Clarke is in the middle of a story about their group of friends trying their hand at spearfishing when Aurora comes into the apartment. She’s smiling and the sight lifts Bellamy’s mood just a little bit more. She’s still wary of Clarke, she freaked out when Octavia told her about talking to someone who wasn’t her or Bellamy, but Bellamy assured her that Clarke wouldn’t turn them in. When she saw how happy Octavia was to finally have someone  _ new _ in her life, she couldn’t exactly argue. 

“Clarke, it’s good to see you,” Aurora says. Bellamy is waiting for the moment she inevitably notices how shitty and sick he looks. “Bellamy, what happened to you? Are you alright?”

He offers her a smile, “I’m fine. Clarke’s taken real good care of me.”  _ Even though she won’t tell me what was happening in the memory that made me sick.  _

“Are you sure you’re feeling alright? You look pale...”

“We’ve got a doctor right there, she’d tell me if I wasn’t okay. She’d also be freaking out about it.”

Clarke gives him a look that’s somewhere between  _ you’re an idiot _ and  _ I’m tired of your shit _ . He smiles at her and she smiles back before continuing her story. Bellamy decides to ignore how much more comfortable Clarke seems after Aurora leaves the room.

It’s a calm moment, he feels like shit, but Clarke and Octavia are laughing and his mother gets some time to herself. For once all Bellamy has to worry about is listening to Clarke’s story. But of course, it doesn’t last too long. 

Aurora comes rushing in from her bedroom, mumbling about forgetting to check the time. Bellamy knows exactly what that means. “Octavia, go now,” he says. He tries to stand to help them, but he feels lightheaded as soon as he sits up.

By the time he stops seeing double, Octavia is hidden from sight and Clarke and his mother are moving the small table back to where it was before.

“Clarke, come over here,” he says, reaching for her hand. She takes it and he knows she’s freaking out because she’s been avoiding contact all day. He pulls her over so she’s sitting by his waist. “It’s alright, we’ve done this enough times to know what to do. Routine inspections happen all the time. They’ll probably be out of here faster because they’ll think I’m contagious or something.”

“You’re not sick, Bel.”

“But I look it.”

Clarke sighs and runs her fingers through his hair, “I’ve seen you look worse...”

“Really?” Bellamy asks smugly as guards knock on the door. He tells Clarke to ignore them and focus on him. 

“I’ve also seen you look a hell of a lot better.”

Bellamy smirks, “Oh yeah?”

“I think you looked very good on our wedding night.”

Bellamy goes to reply, maybe tease her a little bit, but one of the guards comes over to them and demands to know what Clarke is doing there. Bellamy hates the look on the man’s face, confusion as he looks at Clarke then disdain as he looks to Bellamy. Clarke must see it too because her face hardens and she looks back only to glare at the guard.

“He’s sick,” she says, spitting the words like she hopes they’ll hurt him. “I’m a doctor, it’s my job to help him. You can go, we’re all fine here.”

They watch everyone leave and Bellamy turns to Clarke when they’re alone in the bedroom.

“Think you could tell me more about our wedding night?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was getting suuuuuuper long so I split it in two and I'll try to post the next part within the next few days. I have the rest of this fic planned out, which again is thanks to the wonderful Mikaela, so it shouldn't take too long to finish.


	4. The Griffins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy meets Clarke's parents, learns to play soccer, and finds out what a 'Trikru' is.

After a couple days, Bellamy feels a lot better. He can sit up without getting light headed and when he touches Clarke he gets good memories again. She comes by whenever she’s not working and Bellamy tries to convince her to go back to her own apartment before her parents start to ask too many questions, but she tells him not to worry about. “I feel bad okay,” she tells him one day as she’s about to leave for her shift. “Let me help you for once, you stubborn dork.”

One day, Clarke stops by with a nervous smile. She sits with him at the table and he leans closer to make sure Octavia doesn’t hear when he asks, “Everything okay?”

“So I went home last night...”

“And?”

“My mom told my dad about us, you know, kissing... God, that’s not even the worst thing someone has walked in on us doing, but it’s still so embarrassing. Maybe it’s because she thinks I’m so young or that my dad’s around to see it but-”

“You’re rambling, Princess.”

“Oh, right. Well my dad knows about us now and he invited you over for dinner.”

“I think meeting the parents is something I should have done _ before _ we got married-”

“We’re not married yet,” Clarke says, bumping her shoulders against his. “You don’t even know the Clarke that you married.”

Bellamy offers her what he hopes it a reassuring smile. He hates that she keeps saying things like this. He knows they’re together, he’s glad they’re together. “I may not know her, but I like the Clarke I’m getting to know. And I’m sure your parents will like four years ago me, I happen to be very charming when I want to be.”

“You don’t have to do this, I can tell them you have to work. It’s hard, really hard, to be around my dad and I don’t want you to get to know him since...”

“Since he’s only here for a little while longer.”

“Geez just go to dinner already you too make me sick,” Octavia says with a groan.

“We’re trying to have a moment here, brat,” Bellamy says. 

“And I’m trying to play a game here.” She holds up Bellamy’s tablet as if he wouldn’t believe her. 

“Finish your game, Octavia. We’ll leave you to it,” Clarke says, pulling Bellamy out of his seat and out the door. Bellamy calls out a goodbye to his mom before they leave.

Clarke is quiet on the walk to Alpha. She's holding his hand again, which Bellamy thinks is a good sign. But her silence doesn't seem as good. 

“Are you sure you're okay, Princess?”

She sighs and for a moment, Bellamy isn't sure she's going to reply. “For a long time I've thought that dad would have loved you. He'd love the man who wore his heart on his sleeve and was brave when everyone else needed strength. You're an amazing man, Bellamy. I didn't know the Bellamy you are right now, but I have always believed that someone can’t manufacture the kind of strength and drive you used on the ground. 

“In four years, we're both such different people than the Clarke and Bellamy that got into the dropship. You became exactly what I needed and I did the same for you. I hope he can see that now.”

“Clarke, stop,” Bellamy says. 

“What?”

“Just give me a minute, okay?”

Bellamy just doesn't understand, he honestly doesn't. What could he have done to deserve the kind of love that Clarke has for him? This woman who is hurting herself so he won't be burdened with the painful memories that are still haunting her right now. This woman who speaks so highly of him when the Bellamy knows himself to be has done nothing to warrant the praise she's giving. He doesn't understand how a woman like Clarke would want _ him _ by her side through all of this. 

He doesn't hesitate as he steps forward and leans down to kiss her. It come as simple breathing. He never wants to stop being loved by her. 

“What did you see?” Clarke asks breathlessly. Her eyes are still closed and her hands grip at his shirt like she doesn't want to let this moment go. 

“I love you.”

“You saw that you love me?”

“No. This Bellamy- every Bellamy, past and four years in the future.  _ I  _ love _ you _ , Clarke Griffin.”

She finally opens her eyes and Bellamy sees the tears she's trying to keep at bay. “You love me,” she whispers. 

“I love you,” he agrees. 

“I love you too.”

“Let's go to dinner, Princess.”

Bellamy doesn't feel as nervous as he thinks should be when they arrive at Clarke's family's apartment. He doesn't want to fuck this up because who know how long he and Clarke will be stuck here... He wants to spend time with her, and that will be a hell of a lot easier if he can get her parents to like him. But Bellamy is good at charming people. He's good getting people to see what he wants them to see. He's not the first man in Ark’s history to have an illegal baby sister, he's the young, shy cadet with a bright future ahead of him. And right now, he's not the man who will eventually do the terrible things Clarke is shielding him from, he's the young, shy cadet who fell for the daughter of Jake and Abby Griffin. 

He's got this. 

Clarke offers him a smile before pushing open the door and guiding him inside. 

Abby is seated in the living room, looking as scary as she did after she caught Bellamy making out with her daughter. It looks like she's trying to be okay with what's happening. Like Clarke's father told her to give Bellamy the benefit of the doubt and she's attempting to do that. 

Jake walks into the room and Bellamy suddenly feels the weight of this situation. This is a man he's not supposed to meet. He's a man who has shaped Clarke into both the woman who first stepped on earth, and the woman she is four years after that. To Clarke, he's as important and influential as Wells is. And here Bellamy is; meeting the man Clarke always thought would love him like the son in law he will eventually become, and reaching out to shake his hand like it's just another day. 

_ “Bel,” Octavia says as she walks past, patting his chest. “Your girlfriend is over there crying about a ball.” _

_ He gives his sister a questioning look before scanning the area for Clarke. She's standing away from everyone else, which is weird enough even if she wasn't supposedly crying over a ball. She usually loves parties like this. Bellamy knows she  _ really _ loves the raspberry wine Trikru always brings, but Clarke would come up with something different if she was asked.  _

_ As he walks over to her, he can hear her sniffling as she looks towards the ground. “You alright, Princess?” he asks. She turns swiftly to look at him, eyes wide and chin quivering.  _ Well this isn't good...  _ “What is it? Is everything alright?” _

_ He finally reaches her and takes her hands in his own.  _

_ “It's a soccer ball,” she says with a breathless laughs.  _

_ “Uhh... Okay?” _

_ “Do you know how many soccer games were in the archives?” _

_ He shakes his head, “I don't.” _

_ “Maybe ten,” she shrugs. Bellamy about to asks her what she's talking about, but she continues before he can. “I know how every single one ends and know exactly how many goals were scored in them. They never got old to my dad, and Wells had some weird fascination for them too.” _

_ “And it's a soccer ball.” _

_ “A fucking soccer ball is making me cry and I'm not even drunk yet...” _

_ Bellamy smiles when Clarke laughs and looks back down at the ball, “Well are we going to play or what?” _

_ “Can you keep up, old man?” _

_ He doesn't know when it happened, but it's a lot easier to talk about things now. It's probably just Clarke and how comfortable he is around her. They can talk about these things without crumbling or wanting to fall apart. If that's not progress, he doesn't know what is.  _

_ “Old man? Really, Princess?” _

_ She grins and starts walking backwards away from him. She know exactly what he's about to do, but Bellamy also know exactly what she's about to do too. He leaps towards her just as she sprints away, kicking the ball ahead of herself. He's got longer legs and they both know it's only a matter time before he catches up to her. However, his Princess has never been known for backing away from a challenge. Quite the opposite, in fact.  _

_ Clarke kicks the ball through Bellamy's legs and he almost trips. She uses this to dash away from him, laughing all the while.  _

_ “Are you even trying, old man?” Clarke teases.  _

_ “You're not funny,” Bellamy says. So maybe he's laughing as he says it, but can you blame him?  _

_ “Oh I'm  _ hilarious _ ,” she says.  _

_ Bellamy takes one giant step in her direction, lifting her up and over his shoulder. She slaps at his back, “This isn't fair! You're cheating!” _

_ “Can you prove that? Do we have the archives here to back you?” He sets her back on the ground and kisses her before she can reply.  _

_ “You're terrible,” she tells him. Her smile is bright like the sun overhead and Bellamy can't remember the last time she seemed this carefree.  _

“It's nice to meet you, Bellamy,” Jake says with a smile. It looks like a smile Bellamy's seen on Clarke. It's not hard to see the similarities between the two. 

Bellamy takes a deep breath, trying to shake off that memory and focus on what's happening on the Ark. The joy he felt in that memory threatens to overwhelm him. That was amazing, seeing Clarke and himself like that. 

But he's back now, four years in the past. So Bellamy just greets Clarke's parents and follows them to a table in another room. 

“Are you okay?” Clarke asks quietly, grabbing his hand and intertwining their fingers. 

He smiles, “We were playing soccer. Also, what's a 'Trikru'?” 

“I'd rather not explain that here. I don't think now is the best time.”

“Is it bad?” 

“No... It's just shocking. Really shocking,” she tells him. Bellamy would be worried, but she's smiling so he thinks it's okay. 

“Will I be more or less shocked than when you told me we're married?” 

“Okay, I could have handled that a lot more delicately, but I was still emotional about being sent into the freaking past at that point,” she says, leaning in to whisper in his ear. 

They're sitting at the table when Clarke's mother brings in the food. Bellamy tries to keep the amazement and disbelief from his face as he looks at the plates set in front of them. This is food. Actual food. More food than he would probably eat in a week and this is just one meal. He needs to find a non suspicious way to ask to take some of this home for Octavia. He’s not sure how well that would go over, however. He can never tell how people are going to react when they find out he’s from Factory. It’s usually not good, especially with people from Alpha. And these are Clarke’s parents, maybe it wouldn’t leave too good of an impression if he asked for their food to take home. 

“So, Bellamy, Clarke tells me you’re training for the guard,” Jake prompts. 

Bellamy wonders where they’ll go from here. He’s not too interesting at the moment. Four years from now Bellamy seems like a really cool dude, but for now he’s sort of boring. 

“I am. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be though,” Bellamy shrugs.

“Why’s that?” Abby asks, a strange look on her face that Bellamy can’t really place. 

“It can get a little boring at times, but I guess that’s just being a cadet,” he explains. “I’m looking forward to finally being a guard.” It’s not exactly a lie. Being a guard seems like a good job for him to have, much better than most jobs he could get in Factory. But at the same time, he knows he will never actually become a guard. He’ll be on the ground before that can happen. 

“He just wants to have a chance to use his shock baton,” Clarke teases. 

Bellamy scoffs, “That thing terrifies me, I hope I never have to use it. I’ve seen people get struck with it... It’s brutal.”

Clarke places her hand on his knee and he looks over to her, seeing a look on her face that he thinks means  _ let’s not talk about this.  _

Bellamy feels his heart stop for a moment. His mind goes into overdrive thinking about what that face means. He’ll have to use it at some point in the next four years? He’ll get shocked with one? He knows that they’ll be using guns, he saw that in the memory Clarke brought him out of. That thought scared him enough. He’s not sure how ready he is to get all his memories back...

But he knows that he needs to. He needs to do it for Clarke. 

Surprisingly, conversation flows easily after that. Clarke’s father seems to genuinely like him. Her mother is still warming up to him and he can’t exactly blame her. 

Even if he and Clarke are the only people to remember this dinner, he’d be okay with that. Clarke is smiling the whole time. Bellamy doesn’t miss how close she is to tears a couple times during dinner. Her father is going to die, and at least for tonight, he approves of the man his daughter is going to marry.

\---

Clarke walks him back to his apartment after dinner, her head resting on his shoulder and his arm around her waist. 

“I think you passed,” Clarke says. Bellamy can hear the smile in her voice. 

“Man... There’s a first time for everything... You think this will be on my report card and my mom can hang it on the wall?” Bellamy jokes. 

“God, you are such a dork,” Clarke mumbles. 

“A dork that your parents like,” he points out. 

“I’m not so sure about my mom, but my dad liked you.”

“I’m glad. I know that means a lot to you, Princess.” He gives Clarke a squeeze and she giggles. “So, are you going to tell me about Trikru now?”

Clarke sighs, “Trikru is one of the 12 clans of Grounders.”

“That literally means nothing to me.” 

“Grounders, Bellamy. As in, people that live on the ground. Right now.”

Bellamy stops walking and looks down at Clarke with wide eyes. 

“See, shocking right? Trust me when I tell you that our first interaction with them is not a good one.”

“Does it involve someone dying?”

Clarke shrugs, “Not technically. Attempted? Yes. But he didn’t actually die. Thanks to me, by the way.”

“You sound so nonchalant about this.”

“It’s... complicated. At the time, those days seemed so terrible. It didn’t make any sense to us and it was a rough transition to get used to fighting for our lives instead of sitting on our asses in the Skybox. But then we adjusted. We got used to it, as much as possible anyways. Compared to other things, finding out that other people live on the ground is no big deal.”

Bellamy senses that she’s not done, so he just takes her hand in his and continues walking down the hall. 

“Things are better now- the now that I’m from. It’s not like it used to be. Now instead of making weapons and bullets to survive, we’re finding ways to make a solar powered air conditioning system.”

“I think I’ll like it in the future.”  _ Mostly because I’ll be there with you. _


	5. Spacewalker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy meets Finn.

_ Clarke crying is something Bellamy will never get used to. Raven crying is something Bellamy will never get used to. He knows that these two women are strong, extremely so. It breaks his heart so see how completely shattered theirs have become in a matter of minutes.  _

_ He can feel this moment of quiet, one they so rarely get anymore. It’s the moment where it all sinks in. The moment where a horrible thing settles into your bones. It’s a pause, almost like everyone’s mind slows only to speed up right after. Speed up into chaos.  _

_ He almost can’t believe it. It’s strange because he knew it was going to happen. This is Clarke he’s talking about, he always knows what she’s going to do. It’s the same thing he would do. It always is.  _

_ He doesn’t react. It’s not his place.  _

_ They finally got to be a team again. He had just gotten them back. And now he’s lost them. Clarke will put those walls back up, putting on the face of who she thinks she needs to be. Raven will shut down before she comes back swinging. It’s funny the way this world works, the people he once wanted to kill have become the people he knows best. The people he fought are now the people he fights for. The people he did nothing but hate now are the people he looks out for.  _

_ It’s different with Clarke. Maybe because he wanted to kill her the most, fought her the most, hated her the most. This world forced them together and now they’re nearly one person. She’s the first he turns to, the first he thinks of, the one he always looks to. He always knows what to do with her, they don’t even need words at this point. All it takes is a simple look and a small nod and he knows. A few minutes ago that is exactly what he had gotten. One look. One nod. And he knew.  _

_ But now, as she blankly stares at nothing at all and lets tears clear away some of the grime on her cheeks, he has absolutely no idea.  _

_ Finn is dead.  _

_ And he has no idea what to do.  _

Bellamy’s eyes snap open, and for a moment he’s not sure where he is. Then, it all comes back to him. He’s still on the Ark, waiting for most of his memories that just don’t seem to want to come back. 

Maybe Clarke was right, he wishes that memory had stayed gone. 

He can’t tell her that he remembers, that he remembers Finn. That he remembers Raven sliding the knife used to kill him up Clarke’s sleeve. That Raven said to kill someone else, someone he doesn’t yet remember. He can’t tell Clarke that he remembers her killing the man she once loved. Yes, she already has this memory, she always has, but he doesn’t want her to relive it. He can still see her face as she told him about Wells, he remembers how that made her feel. How can he  _ make  _ her feel like that? 

God, he hates this!

Why can’t he just fucking remember already so he could comfort his wife?! Is that too much to ask for? 

Apparently it is.

After a while, he has to report in for work. He quietly leaves the apartment. 

If someone asked Bellamy to tell them what he did that day at work, he wouldn’t be able to tell them. He’d be able to tell them all the ways he thought he could tell Clarke about this. But he came up with nothing. He simply can’t tell her. He recalled how upset she was after the memory he got in medical, how she wouldn’t leave his side but wouldn’t go anywhere near him either. She didn’t want to touch him then. And she won’t want to touch him now. Through all of this, she has protected him. To the best of her abilities, she’s kept him from the memories she knows will hurt him. She’s told him good things about the ground and how much fun they’ll have. The ground isn’t all good times and laughter, he does know that, but that’s what she’s letting him focus on for now. Eventually they’ll have to face the reality of their real life and what has happened to them in these four years. Clarke is protecting him. And now he’s going to protect her. 

\---

He waits for Clarke down the hall from medical, leaning against the wall and running a hand through his hair. It's a nervous habit and he really needs to stop before Clarke notices and asks what's wrong. He hopes she won't be able to see it in his face, the memory he's trying to hide. 

“Hey, Bel,” she says, coming around the corner and grabbing his hand. “Any new memories?”

“Nope. Not since us playing soccer,” he shrugs. 

“Well at least you haven't gotten any more bad ones...”

“Where are we going, Princess?” he asks, hoping it's not too obvious that he's changing the subject. 

“I don't know. I thought we could just walk around for a bit.”

Bellamy smiles, “As long as I'm with you.”

They walk through the halls of the Ark for a while, talking about the ground as they usually do. Sometimes Bellamy will ask Clarke questions, but most of the time she just tells him stories. Random ones too, like a drinking game they played on Unity Day and the time they found a bird the size of a bear. When she told that story, she also had to explain how big a bear is. 

She's in the middle of a story about people having black blood, when Bellamy feels his heart stop. 

Finn. He's there, down a hallway Clarke is about to take them down. Luckily, Clarke doesn't see him at first. But Bellamy does, and Finn sees Bellamy. He also sees the recognition in his eyes, he knows who Bellamy is. Why the hell does Finn remember? Bellamy shakes his head, that doesn't matter now. He's still looking at Finn and not paying a lick of attention to Clarke. They're only looking at each other, but the look in Finn’s eyes says more than words ever could. There's a sadness there, the sadness that comes with a death sentence. A kid in the Skybox would probably have that look, but they're only getting floated. Finn is going to die with the weight of a village on his shoulders and a knife in his side, put there by a girl he loves while everyone he's ever known watches. And he knows it's going to happen. Bellamy can't even imagine how he must feel... His heart aches just thinking about it. He never liked the kid, but he doesn't deserve this. 

_ Princess _ , Finn mouths the same time Bellamy says it. 

“We have to go back to my apartment,” Bellamy says quickly. “I forgot I told Octavia I would stop by after my shift.” 

If Clarke notices the urgency in his voice, she says nothing. 

They walk quickly back to his apartment and rush inside. Bellamy waits a few minutes, during which he tries to make casual conversation, before faking a page that he’s been called in to work. 

“I’ll be back in twenty minutes,” he assures them. He offers Octavia a smile and kisses Clarke’s forehead before slipping out the door.

Bellamy runs through the hallways, hoping to find Finn quickly. He needs to talk to him. Maybe he knows something about how to get them out of this. When he finally spots him, Bellamy takes a deep breath before going any further. 

“Finn,” he says, not knowing why the word comes out in a whisper. 

“You know who I am?” he asks. 

Bellamy nods, “Yeah, and you know who I am.”

“Clarke does she-”

“She does, but you can’t talk to her.”

“Are you kidding me, Bellamy! She remembers everything and we could all work out a plan to get us out of this!”

“We can do that without letting her see you. You think she wants to be reminded of all the things she’s done?”

Finn scoffs, “How can you even say that?! And why do you think you get to make this decision for her?”

“I’m protecting her.”

“Right, you’re protecting her,” he says with a roll of his eyes. 

Bellamy runs a hand down his face, needing a moment to think. “Look, Finn... I can’t imagine how you must be feeling right now, but I do know how Clarke is feeling-”

“Oh you know how she’s feeling?” Finn asks, disbelief written on his face. 

“You’re damn right I do,” Bellamy says. He takes a step closer to Finn and crosses his arms at his chest. If Finn wants a fight, Bellamy’s got no problem with that. “It’s been four years, Finn. Four years have passed since the day you died and I don’t want Clarke to have to relive that. I know how hard she’s worked to accept what she’s done, and not just what she had to do to you. I’ve been there, and I’ve helped her through it. Coming back to whenever we are now, it’s been hard enough for her. Seeing you won’t do her any good. And as far as getting us out of this is concerned, there’s nothing you could do that we haven’t already thought of.”

“This would be funny if it wasn’t so fucked up.”

“What would?”

“You. Right here, right now.”

“How would that be funny?”

“Whatever the hell we want,” Finn says under his breath. Damn... There’s that line again, Bellamy really needs to figure out what it means and why people keep thinking it’s so funny. “It seems like now it’s whatever the hell  _ Clarke  _ wants.”

“It’s whatever the hell’s best for Clarke, that’s what I’m doing.”

The fight seems to leave Finn then, his shoulders sag and he lets out a breath that almost sounds like a laugh. “What happened in those four years, man...”

“I married her. That’s what happened.”

“You- you’re married?” Finn sputters for a moment. “To Clarke?”

Bellamy nods, feeling a smile tugging at his lips, “Yeah, I am.”

“Wow... I should have guessed.” He pauses a moment before asking, “Bellamy, can I- how’s Raven? Is she okay?”

Bellamy recalls the memory he shared with her, the panic and the pain. He recalls the calm as well. At least in that memory, the one he got after visiting Clarke in medical, Raven was doing okay. So he offers Finn a nod. “She is.”

“Good. That’s good. I’ll stay away from Clarke.”

And with that, Finn turns to walk away. 

“Why do you want to get out of this?” Bellamy asks before he can leave. _ You know what’s going to happen when we do. _

Finn turns to him with a shrug, “Why would I remember any of this if this isn’t a second chance?”

After Finn is gone, Bellamy takes a moment to think about his words. This whole time, Bellamy has been sure that when they get this fixed, everything will go back to how it was before. He and Clarke will wake up in their cabin, the one she remembers falling asleep in before waking up here. They'll wake up and this whole time jump will be a weird experience only they know about. But a second chance, that makes sense. Why they're here, how they managed to get here, that makes no sense. This situation is very confusing. Bellamy doesn't like being confused. 


	6. Bartender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy meets someone he once loved.

Bellamy stares down at the metal table, eyebrows furrowed he tries to think this through. 

A second chance. Does he want that? How can he even answer that question without all of his memories? He doesn't think Clarke would want one. She's worked hard to accept who she is, he knows that for sure. Doing things differently, like Finn wants, might do more harm than good. Knowing they can go back and change things, and learning from their mistakes are two very different things. Suddenly it hits him, he wouldn't do anything differently. He is the man Clarke loves, the man Octavia loves, because of the things he'll do in the next four years. 

“Bel,” Clarke says, putting a hand on his cheek and pulling him from his thoughts. “You still with us?”

“Yeah I was just- thinking...”

Octavia snorts, “Don't do too much of that, big brother. You might hurt yourself.”

“I just might,” he says under his breath. 

“Everything okay, Bel?” Clarke asks. 

He looks at her, wanting to give her a smile. He can't bring himself to do more than frown. “Do you want to continue our walk?”

The concern on Clarke's face makes his heart melt just a little bit, and he allows her to pull him to his feet and out of the apartment. 

“Bellamy, what's wrong?”

“I'm just trying to figure this out, why we're here.”

Clarke sighs, “Can we forget about that for a while? I just want to be with you.”

“Of course.” 

Bellamy takes her hand in his, intertwining their fingers as they walk down the hallway. Somehow they end up heading in the direction of the exchange. There's a lot of people around and Bellamy can't help but wonder about the future of them all. It's a morbid curiosity. 

He doesn't notice the men coming down the hall carrying what look to be very heavy boxes until Clarke tugs on his hand to get him out of their way. When Bellamy looks back to Clarke, her face is only inches from his. He can't help but smile now. His hand moves to brush a lock of hair out of her face, lingering to cradle her cheek. 

All of a sudden, he feels a sharp pain in his leg and it buckles beneath him. He sees darkness now, only the faintest of light surrounds himself and Clarke. But she looks different. Her hair is longer and dirty, the look on her face is one of desperation and joy as she whispers his name. He feels joy himself, along with a lightness, a feeling of weightlessness. Relief. Then it's anger and adrenaline and longing. The pain in his leg is back and he's not sure if the Bellamy still on the Ark is crying out in pain, or the one on the ground in this memory. 

“Bellamy!” Clarke says, drawing him back to the Ark. “Bellamy, please. You're okay, you're gonna be okay. Come back to me, come back to- to now.” 

She's not touching him, she's kneeling beside him with her hands hovering, aching to help. A few others have gathered to see what's wrong, and one woman catches his eye. 

He knows her. Some part of him recognizes her. Curly brown hair, warm, kind eyes. He knows her the same way he knew Clarke when he first saw her on this damned ship. But instead of feeling trust like he did with his princess, it's guilt. Overwhelming, overpowering guilt that steals his breath. 

Clarke still isn't going near him, so this woman helps him to his feet. 

_ “Then you wouldn't be here with me.” _

“Are you alright?” she asks. 

_ The hard bound book feels unnaturally heavy in his hands. The cover is worn, the title starting to fade. Bellamy feels his energy fading along with it.  _

_ This is all his fault. How could he have let this happen?  _

_ He tunes out the rest of the room, gazing down at the book. The book she once held in her hands with such care, so happy to give it to him. And now... Now she's gone.  _

_ And it's all his fault.  _

His deep breath doesn't seem to enough, but he presses on, ignoring how shitty he feels right now. “I'm fine. Thank you.” 

She lingers there for a moment before giving him a nod and walking away. As soon as she's gone, Clarke arms are around his neck and she's holding him close. 

“Gina,” Bellamy breathes. 

Clarke pulls back to look at his face, “What?”

“Gina- her name is Gina.”

“Oh, Bellamy...” Clarke whispers, burying her face in his jacket. 

“I saw you. You were tied up and had a piece a cloth in your mouth. I had- I found you. And then I saw her. She's going to die.”

“She is, Bellamy. I'm so sorry.” 

Bellamy sighs. “I'm going to get stabbed for you?”

Clarke nods. 

“Damn,” he chuckles.  _ You made an incredibly fucked up thing bearable _ , that's what Clarke had said to him _.  _ Humor seems to bring Clarke out of these moods, so he'll give it a shot. “You're lucky I love you, Princess. I wouldn't get stabbed for just anyone.” 

She giggles and places a kiss to his jaw. “You're okay?”

“I will be. Can you tell me about our wedding night again?” 

This time Bellamy laughs with her. She playfully shoves him away, but Bellamy is having none of that. He pulls her back and kisses her like he was about to before all those memories got in the way. Clarke makes him forget that guilt, even if just for the moment. He loves kissing her.

“Hey I think I remember our wedding night,” Bellamy says after Clarke pulls away from him.

“Hey I think you’re full of shit,” Clarke says with a laugh. 

“Well maybe if we do what we did that night, it might come back to me.”

“You’d like that wouldn’t you?” 

“Very much, yes.”

“And where would we do that, huh? Back at my apartment, with my parents around to catch us again? Or do you want to go back to your apartment with Octavia there to catch us?” 

Bellamy pretends to weigh his options and Clarke laughs, which was ultimately his goal. So another point for Team Blake. “There’s always supply closets, Princess,” he smirks. 

Clarke barks out a laugh, “I’ll think about it.”


	7. Definitely Not Jobi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy and Octavia figure things out. Or at least try to.

Bellamy hates his job sometimes. He used to justify it, trying to remember that when he was no longer a cadet it wouldn't be so bad. But now he's not sure he'll ever get that far. At least he hopes not. He hopes to get his memories back before that.  Today sucks especially because he's been assigned to be on Alpha and Clarke's back at his apartment with Octavia. So he's bored and a little angry and longing for his shift to be over. 

And then he sees someone he's sure he knows in the future. 

He feels the guilt he felt when he saw Gina and he feels anger, a lot of it. He feels shock and pain. Hearing a gunshot and then seeing a bloody sword in the hand of his sister. 

_ Pike _ . 

The man looks a lot younger than Bellamy last remembers. His eyes don't look so cold. But Bellamy remembers... He remembers a different Bellamy. Clarke has had nothing but praises for the Bellamy of the future, but how could she not mention  _ this _ . What he remembers, that's not a strong Bellamy. That's a hard and angry Bellamy. A lost Bellamy. 

That man, casually strolling down the hallway... Pike is the first death Bellamy remembers that feels like his fault. How can Clarke love the Bellamy that Pike turned him into. 

Bellamy turns down another hallway and runs as far away as he can get, taking deep breaths. He presses the heels of his hands into his eyes, trying to get the images of  _ bodies _ out of his head, when he hears that same gunshot. 

And all of a sudden, he remembers another man. One that he  _ tortured _ . One that he betrayed. 

_ Lincoln.  _

How can he remember a face that he's never seen before? 

_ Shit.  _

Bellamy stays in that hallway- leaning against a wall with his head in his hands- until his shift is over. He walks slowly back to his apartment. He wants to go home, but how can he face Clarke?

Oh god, how can he face Octavia? 

Bellamy is good at hiding his emotions. Hiding his fear to put his sister at ease. Hiding his pain as he watches the light slowly drain from his mother's eyes. He's not sure he can hide this, though. This is something different. This isn't fear or pain or even simply guilt. This is a mess of feelings, and he's not ready to sort them all out. 

But he has no choice. 

So he pushes the door open and goes straight over to his sister, practically yanking her up from her chair to wrap his arms around her. 

“I'm sorry,” he whispers into her hair. “I'm sorry you'll have to remember.” 

“Bel, what-”

He steps back and stares at the floor, “I can't do this.” 

In two steps he's in his bedroom. His hand reaches up to shut the door and then runs through his hair as he heaves out a sigh. He doesn't have to wait long before Clarke comes into the room like he knew she would. 

“You remembered something.” It's not a question. 

“How can you believe your dad would have loved me?” Bellamy asks quietly, continuing before Clarke can get a word in. “How can you talk about my strength? What strength? They're dead because of me.  _ He's  _ dead because of me. She killed someone because of... me. She- she left because of me, didn't she?”

“Bellamy-”

“How can you love me?”

When he finally looks up at her instead of the ground, he sees tears in her eyes. “You remembered Lincoln?”

Bellamy nods. 

“And Octavia-”

“Killing Pike.” 

Clarke walks over to him and cups his face in her hands. Bellamy resists the urge to move away from her, not wanting another memory now. “You found a baby girl in the forest, her leg was twisted and her toes were too long, so she was abandoned. You wouldn't let her out of your arms until Miller’s dad found a couple willing to take care of her. 

“One week, Jasper was so drunk he got what he wanted and forgot everything for a few days. But you couldn't stand that, so you helped Monty start a prank war with him to lift his spirits. Everyone got in on that war. Raven thought it would be funny to steal my clothes when I went down to the lake for a bath, and  _ somehow _ you ended up at the lake so I thought you had done it. That day was the first time we had sex. Raven applauded when we got back to camp.” Clarke laughs and drops her hands to his shoulders, leaning her forehead against his chest. She's crying in earnest when she meets his eyes again. 

“There was a little girl, she had nightmares and you made a point to comfort her. Much, much later, you told me about that little girl’s smile. You got me to forgive that little girl for killing my best friend, even after years of anger. 

“Your brave and dumb self repelled down a cliff to save two of our people. You gave all of us on that dropship hope numerous times. You forgave me for leaving you.” 

Bellamy can't help himself from brushing tears off her cheeks, tucking her hair behind her ear. 

“You have done bad things but I don't love you in spite of those things, I love you because you strive to do better, and you always do.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes. That day we became a team, I told you I forgave you and I meant it. I still do.” 

“Does she?” Bellamy asks, nodding towards the door. 

“Eventually.” 

“You're too good for me, Clarke Griffin.”

She smiles and Bellamy feels a warmth in his chest, albeit a small one. “And somehow I love you anyway.” She gently shoves his shoulder before running her fingers through his hair. 

\---

“God, I'm gonna kill Jasper if anyone got hurt while they were high,” Clarke whispers. Bellamy’s head is throbbing, the whisper seeming much too loud. “Bellamy. Bellamy, come on, we have some 19 year olds to go yell at for not sorting the food they got.” 

Bellamy opens his eyes a little bit and notices the room is much too bright and... not metal. And the bed underneath him isn't hard. And he doesn't feel a tug back to the Ark. Suddenly he rockets into a seated position. He sees Clarke looking at him, confused and wearing a shirt he knows is his own. 

“Shit, Clarke, how old are you?” he asks, tangling his fingers in her hair. 

“Umm... 22... Are you okay?” 

“Fuck... Now you don't remember.”

“Remember what, Bellamy?”

“I met- I got to meet your dad,” he says, breathless. 

“What?”

“You look even more like him now-”

“Bellamy, are you okay?”

“You told me that he would love my bravery and strength. He liked me. I met your dad, and you don't even remember it.” Bellamy keeps going at the confused look on her face. “It was four years ago and you showed up at my apartment and knew about Octavia and told me we were married in the future and you told me all these things that I now know are true and you- you love me, you forgave me.”

“Bel,” Clarke says gently, “I think that was a hallucination. We ate jobi nuts last night by mistake.” 

“No, that was too real. Last time, wasn't  _ that  _ real- oh my god, O!” 

Bellamy springs out of his bed, tugging on a pair of pants- and only briefly smirking as he fully remembers his wedding night, before running to his sister’s cabin. The door bursts open just as he gets there and Octavia looks at him with her eyebrows drawn together, caution in her expression. 

“Please tell me you remember,” Bellamy says. 

“I remember you coming into the apartment like a crazy person and hugging me before running to your room,” she tells him. “You remember that, too?”

He takes a deep breath, “Clarke doesn't. What the hell happened?” 

“I don't know... But it certainly wasn't jobi nuts.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All that's left now is the epilogue :)


	8. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took me so long to post, but I just graduated high school and have been super busy with rehearsal and the ceremony and graduation parties. I hope this last chapter is worth the wait.

Clarke insists on giving both Bellamy and Octavia check ups once they calm down a little bit, even though Bellamy knows they’re both fine. What they really should be doing is trying to figure if anyone else remembers anything and why this happened. 

Clarke seems to think they both hit their heads while they were high, and she shushes Bellamy every time he tries to tell her differently. 

Bellamy supposes it doesn’t really matter at this point. He’s got his Clarke back, and Octavia is fine. Yeah it sucks that Clarke doesn’t remember what had happened between them on the Ark, or the relationship she was able to build with Octavia, but there’s nothing he can do. Clarke’s not remembering anything like he had. No one is. Monty and Jasper look like children who have just been grounded when Clarke confronts them, but they don’t have any memories. If nothing else, Bellamy is glad Raven doesn’t remember anything. She doesn’t need whatever pain would come from seeing Finn again. If she even did see him back on the Ark... 

But he’s mainly just glad to have Clarke back right now. 

“Seriously, Princess,” Bellamy says, grabbing her wrists to still her hands from examining him. “I am fine.”

“Excuse me for not wanting to believe you since the last time you ate jobi nuts... It was so hard on you.”

Bellamy pulls her forward to press his forehead against hers, “I’m okay. I’m here, I’m fine, and I love you.”

Clarke sighs, “I love you too.”

They’re both silent for a moment, content to stare into each other’s eyes, until Clarke breaks the silence, “I didn’t miss much, did I?”

“Just me being an emotional wreck,” he replies with a laugh. “That, and your mom catching us making out for the first time. Again. I really don’t need  _ two _ memories of that.”

It takes Bellamy a while to notice. He’s used to Clarke’s eyes on him, and he understands why. She wants to make sure he’s there. He does the same thing to her. But it’s a week or two later that he notices her staring is... different. She's watching him like he's a caged animal, and it's a little annoying. He wishes she would just talk to him. 

One night, as they're getting ready for bed, he's finally had enough. 

“Is there something you'd like to share with the class, Princess?”

“What do you mean?” she asks. 

Bellamy walks over to her and sits down with her on the bed. “I mean that you've been staring at me for the past few weeks like I'm going to attack you.”

“I'm worried, Bel. Is that a crime?”

He sighs, “No, it's not, but have you found anything? In all your staring?”

The pout on her face makes him chuckle. 

“No...”

“What about Octavia?”

“No more than usual.”

“Cool. So you don't have to watch me anymore. I'd tell you if something was wrong.”

“Yeah whatever,” she says, pouting once more. 

\---

It's another week before Abby remembers. 

Clarke comes rushing into their cabin while Bellamy is cleaning his gun, looking panicked. 

“It's my mom,” she says and they both rush to the medbay. 

Bellamy can see it in her eyes as soon as they walk in. He sees exactly what he had hoped he never sees in Raven: the feeling of seeing a loved one you've lost. It hadn't crossed his mind for Abby to feel this way, too. He realizes now how stupid that is, she spent time with her dead husband, the man she had a child with. 

“You remember...” Bellamy says. It’s not a question. 

“How did that happen?” Abby asks with a shake of her head. 

All Bellamy can do is shrug. If he thought he was confused back on the Ark, he’s even more confused now. Maybe there’s something behind him and Clarke remembering, some connection between them from being together so long. And maybe it could be a Blake thing; him and Octavia remembering together. But now Abby remembers... He and Abby aren’t all that close. And if this whole time travel thing isn’t based on a connection, he has no idea what the hell is happening is happening to them. 

This whole time, Clarke has been trying to explain this scientifically somehow, but now that her mother has remembered too, science seems to have nothing to do with it. 

Bellamy spends a while talking with Abby about what had happened. He remembers how painful it was to have certain memories come back to him, but Abby was reminded of that same pain the entire time they were back on the Ark. He can only imagine the guilt she must have felt. Clarke has told him the story, how her mom turned in her dad and how everything went to shit. There has to be some regret there, no matter how much time has passed or how much she is reassured that she made the right choice. 

\---

It’s another two weeks before Clarke remembers and summer is in full swing. It’s hot as hell outside, even at night, so Bellamy has trouble falling asleep. He’s lying in bed beside Clarke, reading one of his books, when he hears her take in a sharp breath. She sits up immediately after.

“Clarke, are you okay?” Bellamy asks, setting his book aside and placing his hand on her shoulder.

“Who are you?”

_ Shit... _

Clarke laughs, “Just kidding.”

“Fuck, Clarke, you just scared the shit out of me!”

She continues laughing, laughing harder when she sees the pout on Bellamy’s face. Then, all of a sudden, Bellamy had his arms full of Clarke. He smiled into her hair. 

“I'm glad to have you  _ back _ , Bel,” Clarke whispers. Bellamy knows the feeling. 

“I'm glad to have you back too, Princess.”


End file.
